Letting Go (but just a little bit)
My baby started preschool. And I know a lot of parents are super excited about this time of year. For the first day back at school (or in our case, the VERY first day of school). For their kids to be out of the house and Mom (or Dad) to have some sort of freedom back again. But I wasn't quite ready for it. And although I know many parents are doing little happy dances down the hallways, I also know I'm not alone when I say my heart kept breaking every time I thought of sending my little guy into that classroom without me. Maybe because he's my only one. Maybe because it's the first time in his life that I'm not working and I get to be home with him everyday and I wasn't ready to give up a second of it. Maybe because I don't know if I'll ever get to experiences all these firsts again with another baby. Or maybe it's just because I don't want him to every grow up...like ever. Let's face it, as soon as he's through those doors of preschool, I'm going to blink and I'll be at his high school graduation ceremony (insert ugly mom cry here).
But as hard as it is for me to face the fact, this season of our lives had arrived, and who am I to hold him back from it for my own selfish reason? Yes, preschool is not mandatory. But I knew he was so ready. I knew even though he's my sweet little sidekick and loves being with his mama, he needed preschool. He needed that independence. He needed to feel loved and cared for by someone other than family members. To make his own little friends and learn a little more about this world we live in. The wonderful people that it is filled with that will help his Dad & I shape him into the amazing man he is destined to be.
So, I put on my big girl panties, and walked him to that door. And I watched my baby walk into that room, full of his new friends & the sweetest, most loving teachers and I knew it was all going to be ok. Yes, I definitely shed a few tears on that lonely walk back to my car. And yes, I was constantly starring at my phone, waiting for a call from his teacher that he was upset or sad. But that call never came. And when I picked him up a few hours later, he was happy. So happy. And that's all I needed.
May you have the confidence to always do your best. May you take no effort in your being generous. Sharing what you can, nothing more, nothing less. May you know the meaning of the word happiness... I want you to have it all. (Jason Marz)